Sexual Consent & Boundaries

Sexual Consent & Boundaries In The News | Relationship Healing

I am grateful for all the conversations that are happening about sexual consent & boundaries and sexual education. I have been studying, teaching and partnering with women and men for years.  I know many of you have come to my wellness events on these things for the past decade.  I was sad when I first heard something about Aziz Ansari and sexual misconduct.  I believe my first response was “Dang it, another one.”  I didn’t even read about it.  Then I read about people taking a stand against “Grace”, the victim.  I heard she didn’t leave earlier. She continued to go along with things, even though she said no.  Now mostly I heard from women.  All these comments came from women.

I wanted to understand this a little better.  As anyone who knows me can vouch, I love understanding human behavior.  I have many different opinions about this.  My first post, I thought, should be my vulnerable share.  How I feel.

So my first thoughts that came up about women deciding that she didn’t stand up and leave earlier are these;

A lot of women,  (not all-please don’t try on the shoe if you feel it doesn’t fit) NEEDED her to leave earlier because they have been in that situation.  We have been on a date and it escalated quicker than we wanted.  They decided it was a sex date not a get to know you date.  We did speak up.  We did give our non verbal communications to slow down.  We did do things, we caved.  It may have felt easier, it may have felt like the nice thing to do, or it just felt safer for us to.

Sometimes when we are told to lighten up or that sex is just fun. We want to believe that, even though we know deep down it isn’t what we want or are ready for.

Sometimes we may think maybe I didn’t give him enough cues because we know that if we pushed something on someone and they said no, we would stop.  So obviously, we need to try to say NO a different way.

We may have wanted “Grace” to leave the situation earlier so that we too know it’s okay to leave earlier.  We want to know we aren’t prudish or rude to do so.  We don’t have to people please.  We don’t have to worry about his “blue balls”.  We shouldn’t have to be worried for our safety to leave when he expects sex.

Men when sexually aroused can seem scary and single focused.  I think her leaving that date at all, took courage.

There is a whole other side to this I want to explore.  How did he not see or care to see what was happening on her end?  What are we teaching boys?  What have men been allowed to get away with?  This is a human issue.  This is what all of these public situations are illuminating for us.  We can change how we do, see, teach, and handle sexual energy, boundaries and communication.  I am committed to this.  It’s my life work.

My life coaching practice, my conscious sexuality practice, and my relationship healing practice came from a passion for us all to be seen and respected.  I want to be part of the solution.  I desire to continue to talk about what needs to be done.

If you feel triggered on issues surrounding consent, boundaries, men, trauma, I am here and open to hold space for you.

Men, I am always open to hear your opinions, your side to all of this.  Do you have thoughts about Aziz Ansari or any of the men in the limelight?  Please reach out to me and know I want to hear from you.

 

We are love

Amanda

Related Corporate Training Topic: Consent in the Workplace.  Wellness Speaker & Relationship Coach Amanda Wright conducts a a workshop & speaking engagement on the topic of Consent in the Workplace. Contact us for more information and to schedule an event.

Wright Now Wellness, Ultimate Retreat

Women’s Healing & Growth Advocate, Activist and Volunteer

As an Army veteran and an Integrated Wellness Coach, I believe wisdom comes from the intersection of knowledge and experience. As an impassioned advocate for women’s healing, growth, empowerment, and transformation, I am honored to share her wisdom through private teaching and as an international wellness speaker. My work in the wellness field is based on women’s healing – and I am always seeking new ways to learn and grow.

As women we are called upon to play countless roles.

We may be a wife, a mother, a daughter, a provider, a protector, soldier, a confidant, and so many more. Answering those calls often leaves us with little time or energy to know who we are or what we need. I have made it a priority in my profession to work with all women.

I know firsthand the different struggles we, as women, can face in our lives. My desire is to teach and lessen the impact these struggles have on us. 

Through volunteer work with a local domestic abuse organization that recently opened its doors to house victims of sex trafficking, I see the many ways people need to heal and the impact we make by support our communities.

The healing modalities that I’ve acquired aren’t just theoretical for me. Each healing certification has fueled my personal transformation, allowing me to create a life of confidence, joy, abundance and ease. I am inspired in my own journey to show women how easily they can have the life they want.

I felt the call to travel to Standing Rock twice in 2016. Both were life altering experiences. The first time was as a massage therapist to offer reprieve to those that had been protecting water and land for months beforehand. There I learned community and a matriarchal way of life.

The second time as a veteran was a different experience. It showed me the true strength of what people can accomplish with just numbers, peace, and the desire to assist those who need support. It allowed me to have faith that a community, not a government body, could lead and accomplish intended actions.

Most recently, I joined the thousands of people from around the globe in Women’s March 2017 to take action as an advocate for healing, community and strength for women everywhere.